I mean how hard can it be, every unemployed guy on my street tells me that he’s a Plummer. My father, who was a construction engineer, had to hold many trade licensees, electrician, carpentry, and plumbing plus some others. He told me the plumbers’ creed, and with this knowledge I can’t fail.

         Water freezes at 32 degrees, turds won’t flow uphill
         Hot's on the left, colds on the right, paydays on Friday.
         I be a Plummer!

 I’ve been stuck at home because of all the rain this month, and decided to undo all the harm my fellow local unemployed plumbers have caused with their damn Buka-Seal over the years. So off I go on my quest, to my upstairs bathroom and remove the tank from the base. (Yes, I shut off the water) First I undid the water feed and the two bolts, simple you’d think, but now the Buka-seal rears its ugly head, the bolts were covered with it and they replaced the connecting gasket with that damnable stuff. Rock the tank to the left, then to the right and after ten minutes it comes loose. Have you ever tried to clean Buka-seal off porcelain?

Off to Handyman Hardware in San Fernando, and purchase all that’s required to bring my crapper in to the New Millennium, as the local parts are pure (pardon the pun) crap. Brand new flush-o-meters, new bolts and gaskets. Reassemble and installed with no Buka-seal, and just a little Teflon tape. Turn the valve and its flowing water with no leaks! Ok, I’m not being 100% honest, but nothing a wrench couldn’t fix. At the Non-union Hall there was total disbelief over the fact that their Bulk-seal could be replaced with gaskets!

Please don’t tell the Union boss I’m doing this, as I’ve got two more to do and then the sinks. I will soon be living in a “Buka-seal Free Zone.” I know you’re wondering if my base (commode) is still cemented to the floor. Well, yes, after all I have my limits! Now in closing, one last thing I need to know. Were the people who named my crapper “Royal Tern” having fun with us or just couldn’t spell? So remember we choose to live here, and toilets are important!